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Good For Nothing…

8 Sep

We do things for people for one of many reasons; We are payed, we love them, we want to, we are called upon to do so… You get the point.

What about doing things out of guilt, where does that fit in? Are they as significant as all the others, or more like the step-child of the “Good For Nothing”.

A “Good For Nothing” is something you do, maybe, without anyone knowing or without any unnecessary advertising. You just do it because it feels good… To you.

During my Summer in rehab, GFN’s were encouraged and even became a game. You would wait for folks to do their laundry so you could fold it when they weren’t watching.

Clean the kitchen while the person in charge was still eating or make your roommates bed while they were in the bathroom… Get the point?

Why did this come to my mind? I was watching the movie “Seven Pounds” with Will Smith and it occurred to me that we don’t hear about those kind of things very often…

Then again why should or could we if they are meant to be “Good For Nothing” (insert small chuckle here).

So give it a try, do something for someone without them knowing you did it. Start small, it takes practice.

Like what? Well, you know that lady down the street that is always having a hard time, leave a $20 gift card to the grocery store in her mail box. While the old man next door is out, mow his lawn. Pay for an extra cup of coffee for person behind you in line.

You don’t have to go too far, someone in your family needs a hand and is too proud to ask, well don’t tell!

So go now, my Good For Nothing Soldiers and be Good For Nothing!!!

Just Like Riding A Bike…

3 Sep

So I had a date, first in a long time, there was food & a movie. Conversation & snuggling. Plenty of kissing… But mostly talking and getting to know each other.

Now I’m realistic, I can be a little intense, passionate, or maybe a little needy. I’m not sure the ratio of the three but I’m sure they are all there.

I wasn’t expecting this to be much than that a first date. I had expectations of a second. Which very could be… Okay, I’m reading into it way too much.

I expect communication, right, if you like someone why not text or call or E-mail or Facebook… YIKES!!! I sound very close to being a psycho stalker… Where is that restraining order???

I guess where I’m going with this is that it felt nice. The closeness, the attention, in both directions. The looks and touches and most important the more intimate moments… The kiss.

I hadn’t kissed someone in awhile and it felt nice. Comfortable, familiar, warm, passionate. I didn’t know after my last break-up if I could or wanted to kiss someone again. I did!

I didn’t know if I could kiss someone with that intensity again. Would feel as if it were okay and not like I was cheating on my Ex. But I finally outgrew that feeling.

Just like riding a bike… Jump on and pedal!!!

Take A Chance…

31 Aug

When I was younger, much younger, young enough to believe in castles in the sky and a prince that arrives in a white horse. In magical mirrors and fairy god mothers, I fell in love.

The first time I actually, truly, really fell in love was with my first love, his name, doesn’t matter. But when we kissed it was in a bar just as the DJ turned on the disco ball.

There were lights shinning all around and the music started. I believed, truly believed that this was a sign that God had chosen my life partner. My prince had arrived.

Four years later that relationship fell apart and it was over. The clock struck midnight and I was running for the door. It seemed the disco ball had lost all the mirrors, it was just a ball hanging from the celling.

For many years I tortured anyone who tried to get that close to me. As soon as they showed some sort of weakness I attacked. They weren’t going to hurt me before I could do it, I had no proof but I knew they would!!!

I’m not sure how many relationships I went through, they were disposable and just as easy as I would jump I jumped out. No looking back, no remorse… Hurt them and hurt them good!!!

I’m not there today, I want to take a chance again. I want the disco ball and the music in the background. I’ve learned my lesson though. I’m not wearing glass slippers, more like hiking boots… Durable.

I’m gonna take another chance!

Peace of Mind… Priceless…

23 Aug

There were too many days, too many months in the last year where I was broken-down. No money for gas, barely for food and not enough to lift my spirits.

Nights worrying about tomorrow, endless nights with no sleep and countless days sleeping from exhaustion. Things were not going according to my plan.

Then one day I got on my knees again, I had stopped praying on my knees, because I thought that my relationship with God had gotten on a first name basis.

I realized that although he loves me and his light goes with me where ever I go. I must offer him the respect He deserves. I must be humble before God.

My life turned around and now I sleep at night and live during the day. As it should be, as it should be…

There is no lesson or hard love story here, just that fact that I learned that when I am living under God’s light I will not get the benefits if I sitting next to Him.

I guess that makes sense why we say, “… One nation under God…”.  I pay attention!

Lines Across My Face…

21 Aug

One of my favorite songs, as an adult is; Brandi Carlile’s – The Story. The first line in the song goes, “All of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am”.

Well, let me tell you my face is pretty smooth, so you have to read between the lines. Ha! But how true that when I see myself in the mirror I fell bad for all the crap I put myself through.

“Because even when I was flat broke you made me feel like a million bucks”… That line I say to God. Even when things seemed at their worst, he was there and made things better. Somehow!

“And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed they don’t know my head is a mess”… I wonder if my family and friends really will ever know what a ride my life has been.

There is drugs, alcohol, shady activities, shady friends, anonymous sex, sex for pay, long nights and lost days. I wonder if when they look at my face the story is there?

“So many stories of where I’ve been and how I got to where I am”… That is towards the end of the song and let me tell you it’s the best part of the song and my life. Cause I have to look at where I am now.

I like the new chapters that are written on my face!

Dinner For One…

20 Aug

My car is in need of mechanical attention, so I sought a mechanic. My friend drove me around, so I bought him lunch. My spirit needed some pick-me-up, so I cooked me dinner.

It wasn’t that easy for me, say a month ago. What happened? Well, first I went to the doctor and took care of what was needed. Got medication for the physical ailments.

Starting trusting that my friends, really, truly are there for me, as I try to be there for them. That they would listen to my situation and help me sort out the facts from the fears.

See, I figured out, not alone, that facts can hurt you, but fears will stop you. When doing nothing to improve myself becomes a fact, then I get hurt.

So tonight’s dinner was a delicious Eggplant Parmesan… My first ever, but not the last. I served with a vegetable medley of zucchini, broccoli, and cauliflower a French roll with butter.

I enjoyed my company very much and may I say I’m a great dinner companion. We may even share some dessert.