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Good For Nothing…

8 Sep

We do things for people for one of many reasons; We are payed, we love them, we want to, we are called upon to do so… You get the point.

What about doing things out of guilt, where does that fit in? Are they as significant as all the others, or more like the step-child of the “Good For Nothing”.

A “Good For Nothing” is something you do, maybe, without anyone knowing or without any unnecessary advertising. You just do it because it feels good… To you.

During my Summer in rehab, GFN’s were encouraged and even became a game. You would wait for folks to do their laundry so you could fold it when they weren’t watching.

Clean the kitchen while the person in charge was still eating or make your roommates bed while they were in the bathroom… Get the point?

Why did this come to my mind? I was watching the movie “Seven Pounds” with Will Smith and it occurred to me that we don’t hear about those kind of things very often…

Then again why should or could we if they are meant to be “Good For Nothing” (insert small chuckle here).

So give it a try, do something for someone without them knowing you did it. Start small, it takes practice.

Like what? Well, you know that lady down the street that is always having a hard time, leave a $20 gift card to the grocery store in her mail box. While the old man next door is out, mow his lawn. Pay for an extra cup of coffee for person behind you in line.

You don’t have to go too far, someone in your family needs a hand and is too proud to ask, well don’t tell!

So go now, my Good For Nothing Soldiers and be Good For Nothing!!!

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Just Like Riding A Bike…

3 Sep

So I had a date, first in a long time, there was food & a movie. Conversation & snuggling. Plenty of kissing… But mostly talking and getting to know each other.

Now I’m realistic, I can be a little intense, passionate, or maybe a little needy. I’m not sure the ratio of the three but I’m sure they are all there.

I wasn’t expecting this to be much than that a first date. I had expectations of a second. Which very could be… Okay, I’m reading into it way too much.

I expect communication, right, if you like someone why not text or call or E-mail or Facebook… YIKES!!! I sound very close to being a psycho stalker… Where is that restraining order???

I guess where I’m going with this is that it felt nice. The closeness, the attention, in both directions. The looks and touches and most important the more intimate moments… The kiss.

I hadn’t kissed someone in awhile and it felt nice. Comfortable, familiar, warm, passionate. I didn’t know after my last break-up if I could or wanted to kiss someone again. I did!

I didn’t know if I could kiss someone with that intensity again. Would feel as if it were okay and not like I was cheating on my Ex. But I finally outgrew that feeling.

Just like riding a bike… Jump on and pedal!!!

Take A Chance…

31 Aug

When I was younger, much younger, young enough to believe in castles in the sky and a prince that arrives in a white horse. In magical mirrors and fairy god mothers, I fell in love.

The first time I actually, truly, really fell in love was with my first love, his name, doesn’t matter. But when we kissed it was in a bar just as the DJ turned on the disco ball.

There were lights shinning all around and the music started. I believed, truly believed that this was a sign that God had chosen my life partner. My prince had arrived.

Four years later that relationship fell apart and it was over. The clock struck midnight and I was running for the door. It seemed the disco ball had lost all the mirrors, it was just a ball hanging from the celling.

For many years I tortured anyone who tried to get that close to me. As soon as they showed some sort of weakness I attacked. They weren’t going to hurt me before I could do it, I had no proof but I knew they would!!!

I’m not sure how many relationships I went through, they were disposable and just as easy as I would jump I jumped out. No looking back, no remorse… Hurt them and hurt them good!!!

I’m not there today, I want to take a chance again. I want the disco ball and the music in the background. I’ve learned my lesson though. I’m not wearing glass slippers, more like hiking boots… Durable.

I’m gonna take another chance!

Pity Party of One…

28 Aug

Okay this may not be one of my most uplifting post. The title should have given it away. So if you are still reading then you either understood the title or you are also single.

Either way stay with me and we might just find a way out of this gathering of misery and find the way out.

So I went to a large church garage sale, you know the one, endless rows of cheap stuff that are ‘one man’s trash’ and boy do I get excited over $2.00 shoes! Then there was no one to share that with.

Then I need a new tire for my car, so I went to my local American Tires, been going there for awhile. Had to make a decision over get this one or the cheaper one. Then there was no one to share that with.

Farmers market is today so I walked over to get my weekly stash of fruits and vegetables. Some really good deals and you can get as much as you want, cheap. Bought a huge watermelon for $4.00. Then there is no one to share it with.

Do you see a pattern here? The deal is I’m ready to share my time, things, my love with someone. Now don’t get all worked up, I have a great time alone. I get up and do what I want, when I want, how I want… You get the point.

So let’s send out a message to the Universe… Hey, I’m ready for love to come into my life in the form of a partner, someone who will respect & love me, be nice & considerate, hard working & laid back… Too much to ask?

Ate, Prayed, Loved…

18 Aug

So I got to go to the movies today and watched, you guessed it, “Eat Pray Love”. The tale of a woman caught in a relationship that is not fulfilling with a man that doesn’t know his way through life.

She decides to venture overseas and find herself. Through the help of good food in Italy, prayer in India, and love in Bali she realizes that it has to start with self-love… And 20 pounds extra.

This is something that I have stated several times to friends, no I didn’t record it or have proof, but I said it. It has to start with me, for me, by me.

If I don’t like myself why should anyone else? If I can’t stand to be alone how dare I ask anyone else to spend time with me? More important if I can’t love myself… You get the point… Right?

So for those of us that can’t spend the money to go on a year journey around the world, here is what I did. A big bowl of pasta with some tomato sauce. This will make you so full that you will take a nap and get to spend some time with yourself.

Pray everyday, not just in the morning but whenever you feel the need. But not just for you pass it around. Everyone needs a little help in the prayer department, God’s lines don’t get blocked.

Love… Now that’s the hard one, start with ‘I love you’ to the man in the mirror (me channeling Michael Jackson). Take yourself out on a date, and if you’re lucky you can feel yourself-up at the end of the night, my favorite part!!!

When you start producing all this positive energy you will attract positive people and then, I almost guarantee it, you will start to be happy… Hey, it worked for me and now for Julia Roberts.

Invest In People…

17 Aug

I have invested in Pre-Paid Legal, it’s made me some money. Invested in acting classes, it’s gotten me some work. Invested in clothes for work, it made look professional and got me more work.

Now I’m investing in my friends. Yeah, I was nice to my friends before. Well, kinda… When I was using & drinking it was a different kind of investment. I wanted to make sure I got invited to parties.

Then I came into Recovery and didn’t have nasty thought to share, I was that poor. I started working more and made enough to carry me, almost. Then made a little more, enough for a burger out.

Yeah, there was a time when In-N-Out Burgers once a month was a treat. I would cut it in half and make two meals out of it.

I’m not talking about financial investment in people, not like a pimp or slavery. Spiritual investment, the pay-it-forward kind. Someone did for me when they could, now I do for you cause I can.

Try it… It makes a meal so much more special and the laughs last longer. The return on that are great memories. If you need a broker let me know.

Been a while…

15 Aug

So I don’t think that folks are interested in what I might have to say. I know I don’t always want to listen to me. I’m predictable in my spontaneity.

I met someone on-line today and it felt really good to have a nice conversation without feeling pressured or rushed. Like I had to prove something.

We made a date for next Tuesday for dinner and I”m excited. I don’t want to have any negative thoughts about it. We can go to dinner and a movie and have a great time.

This is a turning point and I will keep you posted.