Similarities

14 Jun

I have learned in AA that you have to start by assessing the similarities. With this you can develop trust and with trust honesty and with honesty all walls can be broken. I had to be honest with myself first in order to be honest with those around me. Trust me I have a hard time with that one.

So here goes… I was born on December 26, 1970 in Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico. My mother is Mexican and my father American. I only remember my paternal-grandfather. My maternal-grandmother died when my mother was very young. She was raised by members of the family.

My paternal-grandparents died before I was 2 years old. I don’t remember much about them other than the fact that they lived across the street from a candy stand. They would sell these yummy red lollipops that I remember eating. You can only find them in Mexico and to this date I love them!

I have 2 older sisters; the oldest 21 years older than me. The younger is 9 years older. Why is this odd? Because most of my aunts and uncles have large families, we didn’t. One uncle blames it on the fact that my parents had a TV early on. Honestly my father traveled for work a lot.

I am the baby and the only male. I think there are a lot of expectations placed on a child with those titles. I don’t think my father expected too much other than me being a man with a family and a good job. Better life than he had and not bust my hump. I still feel like I fell short.

My dad is someone to look up to, in some ways. Has he been the best? Well, no, but he did the best he could and I’m grateful. Now. Years ago I still blamed him for everything… Even Global Warming! But I have learned to recognize his limitations and how they affected me.

My mother is and for ever will be my hero. She worked hard and blamed herself for a lot of the things that her kids went through. She fought hard to not enjoy life too much so that the disappointment wasn’t so great. Think about it loosing your mom early in life.

She taught me about hard work and guilt. He we are a Hispanic-Catholic family. Pretty much synonymous with guilt. But she also taught me how to accept things for what they are. How to limit my dreams. How to handle my dad. Deal with my sisters. Be a man.

My sisters are very different. 9 kids between the 2 and I saw most of them grow-up. Heck I changed the diapers on some of them. Played with most of them and felt like a big brother to the older 3. They never called me ‘uncle’. Yeah, sometimes it bothered me.

But it was babysitting them early on in life that made me want kids. A feeling I still have. I’ll be 40 this year and I want a child. Someone need to find the remote, right? I want to teach him/her everything I learned in life and, yeah okay, get the remote!

So there you have the basics of me. I’ll go through the formative years and how they affected who I am now. All of it, no holding back. Relationships, drugs, alcohol, sex… Really, all of it. So I leave you for now with this. ‘I didn’t pick my family and I wouldn’t trade them. The crazy of them is making me sane today!’

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